18 November 2009

Two Modern Fairy Tales

Fairy Tale 1: The Girl and the Dentist
Once upon a time, there was a girl who went to a dentist. She didn't know it was an evil dentist with an evil hygienist. She just needed clean teeth in hopes of winning the man of her dreams. The evil hygienist treated the poor girl's gums the same way Cinderella was treated by her evil stepsisters. The evil dentist swooped in and told her she needed three crowns and they would cost her $1,160 from her shabby, threadbare pockets. And she needed to do them before midnight or she would turn into a rotten pumpkin.

The girl risked the pumpkin threat and decided to go to another dentist who did her X-rays for free (because the evil dentist refused to send them until the girl quoted the policies as outlined by the American Dental Association). The new, fairy godmother dentist told her she had three old fillings that needed replacing and that it would cost her $116.

And they lived happily ever after.

Fairy Tale 2: The Tale of the Washing Machine Repair Man
Once upon a time, there was a housewife who happily went about her duties. All of a sudden, on a day just like any other, she heard a thump-thump-thump. After searching the house with the aid of her one-year-old sidekick, the source of the scariness was discovered: the washing machine!

Oh no! What's a housewife to do with a broken washing machine?

Then the magic washing machine man came to repair the broken device. He asked to see how she loaded her clothing and then said, "No, no, no, you're doing it all wrong!" He told her that if she just layered her clothes one by one and made the weight exactly even on all sides of the washer, the noises would subside. Then he demonstrated how to do it, which was very helpful (the noises did not subside).

Silly housewife. All of a sudden, she forgot how to load a washing machine! Now she loads her clothes one-by-one and then berates herself for her incompetence at completing such a simple housewifey task when the washing machine still thump-thump-thumps.

Then the man charged her $50 and he lived happily ever after.

Moral of the Stories:
Sometimes I think I am a strong-willed, educated, handle-myself kind of woman. And other times, I think maybe I just like getting ripped off.


Jennifer said...

I think I will have nightmares tonight after reading those stories.

Jeanette said...

You are wise to go for a second opinion at the dentist. My mom jokes that sometimes the dentist has her in just to pay his car note.

Glad the moral of the story was a cheap one. :)

Kirchner Family said...

Rachel has the same evil type of dentist - she swears they don't like her and that I demand good attention to her teeth which means they don't like me either - but hey I am the paying customer!

Josh, Anne and baby Merrick said...

You're a hoot! I love your Fairy tales abd I love it even more that you had a happy ending.Opps, I mean if the story happened to be about some girl named Jen that happened to be my friend than I'm super happy for "that girl." :)

Stefan Boyer said...

those crazy evil dentist are all over. beware!!!! you should have called!!!!
I hope your future fairy tales all end up with happily ever after for a special family!

Ali said...

Ugh, I think my friend used to work for that dentist (you may remember her as Annie Hatch), and she later found out he was a scam artist.
Or, there are just a lot of evil dentists preying on college students around here. Not unlikely.
You are hilarious. Thank you for sharing...although they seem more like Aesop's fables to me (you know, very clearly teaching something). Thanks for brightening my day! sorry it came at your expense...