28 May 2009

Dear Life

Thanks to Becca for the idea.

Dear Blog,

Should I change your domain name? We're not really patandjen.blogspot.com anymore. That would require a contribution from The Pat. More like jennifer-loves-reading-her-own-thoughts-and-narcissisticly-believes-others-wait-with-baited-breath-to-do-the-same.blogspot.com. I'm just saying.


Honestly,

Self-awareness


Dear HOA,

Can we open the pool in March and close in October. Not a question. More of a statement, really. It's 90 degrees after all. Why wait until Memorial Day and close at Labor Day?


Pleadingly,

Sweating in Spring


Dear Thighs,

I know we've been together for a good 12 years, but our relationship is diminishing. I know you have worked so diligently at helping me retain my pear shape. But if we can set aside the social norms and be honest with one another, I'm not really into the pear shape. It is more fitting for, well, pears. Please don't be surprised when you look in the mirror one morning and realize half of you is missing.


Lovingly,
Your Other Half

Dear Property Taxes,

If I am a teacher, can I be exempt?


Grudgingly,

2%


Dear Jodee at Wal-Mart,

Yes, I am really buying that many cans. No, there is not a hurricane approaching.


Preparedly,

3 month supply


Dear Down Comforter,

I love you I love you I love you.

Warmly,

Mrs. Perpetually 96.2º


Dear Magic Bullet,

You are my favorite appliance, but please don't tell the Whirly Pop or the Wondermill. They have no idea they have fallen out of favor. Just in case of mutiny, you will be residing in different cabinets.

Smoothly,
Blended

Dear Member's Mark Diapers,

Never again.


Messily,

Huggies Patron

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